Katie's Story
by Katie

My bout with schizoaffective began a few years ago, about five to be
exact, maybe six, but was building for years before. I come from an
abusive past both sexually and mentally and then I joined a family whom
I thought loved me and they only wished to hurt me. I started to see
things, not entirely in the physical, but like ghostly apparitions and
outlines, I started to have horrendous fears of killing and then being
killed by the justice system. I developed a horrible fear of pain of any
sort. I also developed other fears, of heights, of closed spaces, and
even things that I once enjoyed I found hard to enjoy due to fear, namely
my horseback riding. I suddenly became afraid of horses! I tore into
myself, and slapped my then husband three times. I pulled a knife on
myself more than once, and poked my arms with forks out of uncontrollable
and spontaneous rages. Things just were going from bad to worse and I
didn't know how to escape.I am now away and divorced from my husband, and
far away from those people whom wished to abuse me, more. I am on the road
to recovery, although slowly, and I am not entirely sure how much of what
I once was I can recover.


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