|Comments: O.K. This is going to be long! I read the other two posts and I totally know how they feel. I was diagnosed in 2002 in th summer right after my little brother went into the hopsitial for his bi-polar. First I have to say I know I had this when I was a teenager it just wasn't as bad. I don't know if it gradually built up to what it is or if the LSD I tried when I was married set it off. what ever the reason just by reading these other messages I know my mother has this too. She is doing better and diagnosed with only depression and is on medication but I still see the symptoms.
My symptoms used to be things like hearing thought voices questioning everything. Usually the voices would start asking questions about for instance "What did you think of that?" I might have been talking to my mother or sister in-law about something on the phone before this. Then I would imagine along with htis the person that I want to talk to and start a conversation with them.
I still do this 15 minutes to a half hour a day. Where I did this almost 3 hours straight and couldn't stop. I mean I didn'9t want to stop I thought it was fun because I usually was brainstorming and thinking deeply. Then I began to think that the devil was after me. So I started trying to protect myself from him by putting up posts around the house that had scriptures written on them. I prayed alot but I am religious and believe in my diety and don't get me wrong he has been the biggest help in my life.. With out him I wouldn't have been able to get through everything.
I then started to think that the neighbors were watching me and I was suspicous of my husband all the time. Wondering if he would molest the children or if he was running around on me. I even thought that I saw him doing things every once in a while that looked suspicious. My mind would race and I would think of ways to leave him. I always thought there was something... like a ghost or devil right beh ind me when ever I was alone.
I still jump when something startles me. I have to tell the children when they come in a room they need to let me know they are coming because if they approach me quietly I jump. Some of my crazy episodes are done and over with. I am so embarrassed of those days. I was literaly zany. I would act like Jim Carry as a woman and every body thought that I was crazy they would laugh at me and I loved it that I made them laugh. I still can make people laugh but I don't have to act like I did before. I feel much better now that I am taking Abilify and Prozac. I am at least not grinding my teeth and jerking with involuntary movements anymore. My mother is so funny she said it was driving her nuts to see me like that and then my brother was on Geodon like I was and doing the same thing and then my sister in-law started taking it to and she was doing it too. So my Mom had 3 jerking grinding faced people around her all the time. I can imagine if I was her.
I hope this story helps someone. Just know you can't do it alone. my diety has been there for me through the hardest times and yours can be there for you too.