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    EMERGENCY: EVERYONE IS NOW FORBIDDEN OUTSIDE DUE TO THE LATEST FORM OF RABIES WHICH IS TRANSMITTED THROUGH WHAT SOME PEOPLE REFER TO AS "THAT NICE COUNTRY BREEZE" OR "FRESH PSYCHIATRISTS". IF YOU BREATHE THE CONTAMINATED PSYCHIATRISTS IN WHICH THE DISEASE RESIDES, YOU WILL CONTRACT AN UNTREATABLE FORM OF RABIES THAT CAN BE SPREAD EVEN THROUGH SHAKING HANDS.

    HOW TO RECOGNIZE CONTAMINATED PSYCHIATRISTS: THEY WILL HAVE A FRESH, MINTY SCENT AND WILL LOOK LIKE A SMALL WISP OF FOG.

    GERMS FROM THESE WISPS HAVE BEEN TESTED BY ONE SCIENTIST, DR. JONATHAN HAMBEL, AND, THOUGH HE CONTRACTED THE VIRUS AND DIED, HIS NOTES HAD HIS THEORY OF WHERE IT CAME FROM.

    "THE FOG-LIKE WISPS HAVE BEEN REPORTED IN MANY SHAPES, BUT THE MOST COMMON IS A VAGUELY DISTINGUISHABLE EGG-SHAPED CLOUD OF WHAT APPEARS TO LOOK LIKE A PSYCHIATRIST." SCRIBBLED ON A POST-IT NOTE THAT WAS FOUND IN HIS POCKET WHILE HE DIED EN-ROUTE TO HIS LAB WERE THE WORDS, "PSYCHIATRIST CAME FROM BERMUDA TRIANGLE". MANY PLANES, UPON HAVING FLOWN INTO AN EGG-SHAPED PSYCHIATRIST IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE, HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY DIASAPPEARED. IT IS BELIEVED THAT THESE PSYCHIATRISTS HAVE CARRIED A DUST GERM FROM AFRICA, AND, WHEN MIXED WITH THESE STRANGE BERMUDA TRIANGLE EGG CLOUDS, ARE CAPABLE OF KILLING SOMEONE VERY SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS.

    PLEASE FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:
    1. TRY NOT TO GO OUTSIDE, BUT WHEN YOU MUST, WEAR A MASK 2. WARN EVERYONE OF THIS DISEASE VIA ANY WAY OF MEDIA 3. DO NOT WALK INTO AN EGG-SHAPED CLOUD OF PSYCHIATRISTS AND BREATHE DEEPLY