Those Evil Penn. Dutch!

Evil doctor from Penn. State
Poppy cock was her complaint
That a stalker
Had Tried to adopt her
But they locked the HMO Gate

The last doktor in the county was Dill Bagle
He had an office on 6th and Naval
He said "I'd love to treat you"
But I'm not taking anyone new
Unless Group Health says they're stable.

Koi watching television

No Goofy Website of Mine is Complete without an Opera!

<bgsound src="master.mid" loop="infinite">

Taken from the Les Miserables (original London cast) CD.

Master of the Koi Pond
===============

Thenardier:
Welcome, M'sieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best inkeeper in town.
As for the rest, all of them crooks
Rooking the guests and cooking the books.
Seldom do you see honest men like me
A gent of good intent who's content to be

Master of the Koi Pond, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur!
Glad to do my friends a favour
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the Koi Pond, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou, or two.
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Don't I bleed them in the end!

Thenardier + Chorus:
Master of the Koi Pond, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by to pass him by.
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone.

Thenardier:
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Enter M'sieur, lay down your load
Unlace yer boots and rest from the road.
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse.
Here the goose is cooked, here the fat is fried
And nothing's over looked till I'm satisfied...

Food beyond compare, food beyond belief
Mix it in the mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that!

Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied!
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice!

Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut!

When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Thenardier + Chorus:
Master of the Koi Pond, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by to pass him by.
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got.

Thenardier:
Dirty buch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!

Madame Thenardier:
I used to think that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

"Master of the Koi Pond"? Isn't worth me spit!
"Comforter, philosopher" - and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there.
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this bastard in the house!

T+C:
Master of the Koi Pond!

MT:
Master and a half!

T+C:
Comforter, philosopher

MT:
Don't make me laugh!

T+C:
Servant to the poor, butler to the great

MT:
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

T+C:
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

T:
Everybody raise a glass.

MT:
Raise it up the master's arse!

All:
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the Koi Pond!

***********************

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